Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
