Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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