you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
