she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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