how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
