google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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