wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
