the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
