We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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