So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
