Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
