i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
