you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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