I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
