Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
