so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
