well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
