Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
