u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
