dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
