Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
