Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
