ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
