I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
