i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
