Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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