I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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