so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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