I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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