break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
