I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
