i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
