question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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