he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
