I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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