We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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