you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
