look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
