the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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