The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How naked do you want me to be?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
