Michael Bay diarrhea
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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