So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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