Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
