Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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