Having a random hookup so left but love u
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
