I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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