I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
