I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
