I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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