He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
