I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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