Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
