Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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