bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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