$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
