how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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