Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
