The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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