My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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