this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
